My Story

So I know there's a profile on here that talks about what I'm doing now, however I'm guessing you know most people don't just wake up one day, knowing they want to spend their lives surrounded by  women giving birth!? Behind every doula there's a journey and a story... here's mine... it's long but  I hope it encourages you, whether you're just pregnant, or a doula with 5 babies :D

 Firstly, a quick recap: I'm Rachel, I'm a doula living in Chelmsford, and I set up "Milky-Bar" back in 2011, hoping to bring together local pregnant and new Mums. I'm Mum to 3 not so tiny "babies" of my own: Cammy 8, Nalini (almost) 7, and Missy 2.
My journey into Mother and "Doula-hood" has been long, and although I'm a few years into it, I'm often reminded that there's still so much to learn!
Years ago, if you had asked me to name my biggest fear I'd have said wasps ... followed very closely or perhaps tied for first with... giving birth!! I'd only ever seen birth on TV; big medical dramas with lots of screaming. The realization that I might have to one day face my fear gave me a cold chill. ("Couldn't I just adopt?")
But then my world was rocked with a surprise pregnancy, shortly followed by a miscarriage, I had changed. Suddenly, I knew I wanted to have my own babies one day if I could.
I spent the next 2 years reading everything I could find on pregnancy, birth and early motherhood and to my amazement found myself falling in love with birth. I discovered that there were many positive experiences to be shared!

Fascinated by women like Binny A Dansby , Laura Shanley ,  Ina May Gaskin, and Marie Mongan of Hypnobirthing (to name but a few),  I hoped and prepared for positive birthing. 

Soon I fell pregnant with my first little one, I was delighted and threw myself into more reading, planning and preparing. To my dismay I  was met with much opposition to my joy and excitement. Other people willingly shared their opinions: I was too young, too short, my feet were too small, I "couldn't possibly" give birth naturally, and at my very first midwife appointment, the midwife offered to book me for an elective caesarian before Id even opened my mouth...

I learned I'd have to fight to birth the way I wanted, and that even though normally I'd do anything to avoid confrontation, I'd have to face some along the way. I learned so much through first hand experiences with pregnancy and birth. Some were fantastic experiences, some steep learning curves. It felt quite a lonely journey as I discovered that many around me rejected the idea that birth could be positive due to their own unhappier stories. I longed for the support of others who would understand and respect me.

My first birth experience was  exhilerating, empowering and incredibly positive. 

I couldnt wait to share what I'd learned with my friends who were just starting their own families.  I began to support them as they found their own way. I discovered that unlike me, they had other priorities for their birthing experiences, and that was okay. It was the fact that they made the choices that mattered, not so much what the choices were.

My second birth was a challenging experience - a long back labour. I learned a lot more about pain relief techniques, about birthing despite stressful emotional circumstances, and how to listen to what my baby and my body were telling me. After the birth I had more to learn: all that came with raising both a new born and a toddler; new highs and new lows; and I experienced what true sleep deprivation looked and felt like. During that time I was forced to put my creativity to work to find ways to feed a baby, clean up potty training disasters, and create vaguely nutritional meals whilst making it look like "fun" - all on a shoestring budget!

Once again I found myself in a place where I was longing for a network of mothers which was absent in my community. Not just online but real women who I could chat to, meet up with, hug sometimes and rely on for support without judging my parenting! The mothers I knew had either gone back to work after their first baby, or were also struggling with small children and sleep depriviation to the point that we were unable to support each other. Many had their own mothers as a constant companion.

Luckily, and to the salvation of my sanity I met a wonderful friend on "netmums"! Her babies were similar ages to mine, and together we handled the daily ups and downs of small children. We did their teas together, and gave all the kids baths in rounds! When we felt brave we took them all out together, and when we needed calm, we'd watch each others kids for an hour or 2. Our parenting styles were very different, but it didnt matter. I benefited from her organizational skills, and in turn, she was able to relax a little every now and then ;) Having her company made all the difference in how I coped having little ones, and helped me not to lose myself amidst the huge pile of washing and nappies!

More than ever I could see the bigger picture of support that was needed from the beginning of pregnancy, right the way through to what I now call the "baby moon" and beyond. I could see the huge benefit of having a friend who had been there, who "knew" and who loved me no matter what kind of a night I'd had with the babies or what else was going on in my life.

 I began to support other mothers on their journeys, at first ,just in small ways. Having a cup of tea, some cake and a big box of tissues ready always seemed to go down well. Finally in 2009 I took the next step and took a doula course with Developing Doulas. I knew at the time I had found what I was meant to do! 

 I also knew that our family was not yet complete with just 2 little ones, and in January 2011 little Missy completed the gang. While they were all still so young, and I was unable to commit myself to attending births, I decided to set up Milky-Bar, hoping to provide just the supportive community I had longed for during my own pregnancies.

I'm so glad to have had the honor of supporting each of my friends, and the Mothers at  Milky. I really hope that each Mum will take away what she needs from the group and that as mothers we have found a place where we can support, respect and share with each other as we experience the highs, lows, joys and sleep deprivation that only mothers do! I can't wait to start the next phase of my journey as I move into the role of a birth and post natal Doula!