My Story

So I know there's a profile on here that talks about what I'm doing now, however I'm guessing you know most people don't just wake up one day, knowing they want to spend their lives surrounded by  women giving birth!? Behind every doula there's a journey and a story... here's mine... it's long but  I hope it encourages you, whether you're just pregnant, or a doula with 5 babies :D

 Firstly, a quick recap: I'm Rachel, I'm a doula living in Chelmsford, and I set up "Milky-Bar" back in 2011, hoping to bring together local pregnant and new Mums. I'm Mum to 3 not so tiny "babies" of my own: Cammy 8, Nalini (almost) 7, and Missy 2.
My journey into Mother and "Doula-hood" has been long, and although I'm a few years into it, I'm often reminded that there's still so much to learn!
Years ago, if you had asked me to name my biggest fear I'd have said wasps ... followed very closely or perhaps tied for first with... giving birth!! I'd only ever seen birth on TV; big medical dramas with lots of screaming. The realization that I might have to one day face my fear gave me a cold chill. ("Couldn't I just adopt?")
But then my world was rocked with a surprise pregnancy, shortly followed by a miscarriage, I had changed. Suddenly, I knew I wanted to have my own babies one day if I could.
I spent the next 2 years reading everything I could find on pregnancy, birth and early motherhood and to my amazement found myself falling in love with birth. I discovered that there were many positive experiences to be shared!

Fascinated by women like Binny A Dansby , Laura Shanley ,  Ina May Gaskin, and Marie Mongan of Hypnobirthing (to name but a few),  I hoped and prepared for positive birthing. 

Soon I fell pregnant with my first little one, I was delighted and threw myself into more reading, planning and preparing. To my dismay I  was met with much opposition to my joy and excitement. Other people willingly shared their opinions: I was too young, too short, my feet were too small, I "couldn't possibly" give birth naturally, and at my very first midwife appointment, the midwife offered to book me for an elective caesarian before Id even opened my mouth...

I learned I'd have to fight to birth the way I wanted, and that even though normally I'd do anything to avoid confrontation, I'd have to face some along the way. I learned so much through first hand experiences with pregnancy and birth. Some were fantastic experiences, some steep learning curves. It felt quite a lonely journey as I discovered that many around me rejected the idea that birth could be positive due to their own unhappier stories. I longed for the support of others who would understand and respect me.

My first birth experience was  exhilerating, empowering and incredibly positive. 

I couldnt wait to share what I'd learned with my friends who were just starting their own families.  I began to support them as they found their own way. I discovered that unlike me, they had other priorities for their birthing experiences, and that was okay. It was the fact that they made the choices that mattered, not so much what the choices were.

My second birth was a challenging experience - a long back labour. I learned a lot more about pain relief techniques, about birthing despite stressful emotional circumstances, and how to listen to what my baby and my body were telling me. After the birth I had more to learn: all that came with raising both a new born and a toddler; new highs and new lows; and I experienced what true sleep deprivation looked and felt like. During that time I was forced to put my creativity to work to find ways to feed a baby, clean up potty training disasters, and create vaguely nutritional meals whilst making it look like "fun" - all on a shoestring budget!

Once again I found myself in a place where I was longing for a network of mothers which was absent in my community. Not just online but real women who I could chat to, meet up with, hug sometimes and rely on for support without judging my parenting! The mothers I knew had either gone back to work after their first baby, or were also struggling with small children and sleep depriviation to the point that we were unable to support each other. Many had their own mothers as a constant companion.

Luckily, and to the salvation of my sanity I met a wonderful friend on "netmums"! Her babies were similar ages to mine, and together we handled the daily ups and downs of small children. We did their teas together, and gave all the kids baths in rounds! When we felt brave we took them all out together, and when we needed calm, we'd watch each others kids for an hour or 2. Our parenting styles were very different, but it didnt matter. I benefited from her organizational skills, and in turn, she was able to relax a little every now and then ;) Having her company made all the difference in how I coped having little ones, and helped me not to lose myself amidst the huge pile of washing and nappies!

More than ever I could see the bigger picture of support that was needed from the beginning of pregnancy, right the way through to what I now call the "baby moon" and beyond. I could see the huge benefit of having a friend who had been there, who "knew" and who loved me no matter what kind of a night I'd had with the babies or what else was going on in my life.

 I began to support other mothers on their journeys, at first ,just in small ways. Having a cup of tea, some cake and a big box of tissues ready always seemed to go down well. Finally in 2009 I took the next step and took a doula course with Developing Doulas. I knew at the time I had found what I was meant to do! 

 I also knew that our family was not yet complete with just 2 little ones, and in January 2011 little Missy completed the gang. While they were all still so young, and I was unable to commit myself to attending births, I decided to set up Milky-Bar, hoping to provide just the supportive community I had longed for during my own pregnancies.

I'm so glad to have had the honor of supporting each of my friends, and the Mothers at  Milky. I really hope that each Mum will take away what she needs from the group and that as mothers we have found a place where we can support, respect and share with each other as we experience the highs, lows, joys and sleep deprivation that only mothers do! I can't wait to start the next phase of my journey as I move into the role of a birth and post natal Doula!

Rachels Doula Services... What's a Doula?

Doula? Whats that then?

You may have heard talk about doulas, especially if you have visited our Milky-Bar group, But what exactly IS a doula and why would you want to have one?

A doula is a peer, usually another mother, who has experience, training, and a particular passion for supporting women around the time of childbirth. Doulas are not medically trained, and there fore do not advise, but instead guide you through the discovery and planning of your own birth choices. Once you have established what your particular needs are, your doula will be able to support you with those choices. You may like an antenatal doula, who can work with you (and your chosen birthing partners if you have them) to prepare for birth, and to be available for emails, texts and visits throughout your pregnancy.
 A birth doula will do the same, as well as joining you at the birth, and for a visit afterward. A post natal doula will usually meet with you once before the birth, and then support you for an agreed amount of time, usually for around the first 6 weeks after birth. She can be available to help you with chores around the house, to cuddle with baby whilst you take a rest, to chat through your birth experience and any feeding support you may need, or to help with older children whilst you care for your newborn. 

Since your doula will be supporting you through one of the most exciting, life changing, and emotional times of your life, its important to make sure you are confident you have the right doula for you! You may like to meet with several doulas, and here you can find a list of questions you might like to ask to help you find out how they can work for you. At Milky-Bar we can put you in touch with local doulas, some who work under the organization of Doula UK and others who work independently. 

If you have further questions or would just like to have a chat, please feel free to contact me at rachelsdoulaservices@googlemail.com

Good luck, and happy birthing!   

Milky-Bar doula support group

Pregnant?

 Congratulations! Welcome to the amazing, sometimes difficult and often confusing journey to motherhood. As you get closer to meeting your precious bundle, you may have some questions about the big day... how long will I be in labour for? How will I cope? Will my partner be able to help? What if I don't have a partner? What are my pain relief options and Why on earth do some people choose to have their baby at home?

At Milky-bar you can meet with other mothers, some who are at the same stage as you, and some who have just been through the birth! Its great to be able to share and explore your fears and excitement with local mums and doulas.

New baby?

 Trying to make your way through mountains of cards, washing, and advice whilst feeding round the clock and haven't slept since you were 6 months pregnant? You're not alone! Milky- bar is a “drop in” based at a local craft centre so you don't have to worry about getting out for a certain time, or staying out for long. If you feel like you are snowed under with baby stuff, and would love to drink a cup of tea (whilst its still vaguely warm) then we're here for you! Come along and chat to doulas and other mothers, we can point you in the direction of lots of helpful info and resources, as well as provide a listening ear as you discover the fabulous mother that you are becoming! We understand that this is an emotional time so we make sure there are plenty of tissues available, and there's always cake!

FAQ's

Q: "I've just found out I'm pregnant, when can I join in?"

A: You can come along at any stage in pregnancy, in fact being around other mothers and babies can really help you to prepare for your new role as a mum, and help you to get informed and learn what to expect at all different stages.

Q: "My baby is 3 weeks old, I want to come along but I dont feel ready to join a baby group just yet"

A: Milky Bar is a drop in so there's no obligation to stay, and cups of tea are available at any point! Stay 5 minutes or 2 hours, we don't mind and you don't have to come every week if it doesn't suit you. There are lots of local mother and baby/toddler groups out there, and we can give you a list if you are looking for something more regular when your baby is older. (Of course you are welcome to join us every week if you would like to!)

Q: "Can I bring my toddler(s) too?"

A: Pre school aged siblings are welcome to all milky-bar sessions.We have plenty of age appropriate toys and biscuits provided.

Q: "Doula- run? Whats a doula?"

 A: Doulas are peers, we are other mothers who have a special interest in mothers, birth and the post natal period. We are trained and have experience working with, listening to and supporting mothers without judging or agendas. We do not advise, but we do have lots of good ideas and can point you in the direction of help whether its at your home, a local clinic, or local groups specific to your needs. We can not give medical advice.

Q: "I like the sound of that, where can I find more information about doulas?"

A:  At Milky-Bar we have a list of local doulas including those who work within doula UK and those who work independently. You can search doula.org.uk for doulas all around the country. When searching for a doula its a good idea to interview 2 or 3 to make sure you are getting the right support for you. More info in my "What's a Doula?" post.

Q: "Can I get help with breast feeding at the Milky Bar?"

A:Yes, Katie is our breast feeding counsellor (association of breastfeeding mothers) and is with us most weeks. Rachel is also trained in the basic techniques. You can contact your local breast feeding counsellor at any time free of charge. 

Q: "Do I have to breastfeed to come to the milky bar?"

No! Milky bar is for babies who drink milk... that would be all of them!

Q: "I'd like to come! So where is it and when?"

A: Milky Bar is run on thursdays from 10-12 at Make, Do & Mend, http://www.makedomend.com ( for maps and details search)

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Milky-Bar-Doula-Support/153345348064208

Q: "Is there a cost?"

A: As with all sessions run at Make, Do & Mend, there is a charge of £3 per adult per session. This also covers teas/ coffees or squash, biscuits and cake :D.

Q:"What else can I do at Milky bar?"

A: As well as meeting mums, and chatting with doulas you can:

bring and swap maternity wear,

bring and swap new born clothes, 

borrow pregnancy and parenting books from a small library, 

and take part in demos from local activities such as Baby Sensory, Baby Massage, Sling Meet, hand and foot print pottery art, and Hypnobirthing chats as well as many more!

Rachel's Doula Services - packages and prices

Antenatal 

An antenatal doula might  be for you, if you would like support throughout your pregnancy, but feel you would prefer to birth without a doula present.  I will visit you and your birthing partner (if wished) to talk through any concerns, questions or ideas you have for your upcoming birth. We can also debrief any other birth experiences you may have had, or those that have impacted you in the past.  I will work with you to make sure you have all the information you need to make the right choices for your birth. We can explore ways for you to cope with contractions, breathing exercises, positioning and ways your partner can best support you during birth. We will also make sure your partner is ready to support any specific ideas you may have- that might be keeping lights dim during labour, or perhaps remembering to take a photo at the right moment! As well as our visits together, you will be able to contact me by text or email at any time with questions, concerns or just for a chat. I can accompany you to antenatal appointments if you would like. 

Initial Consultation  - FREE

2 birth preparation sessions 

 £50

Birth 
The birth package includes everything as above, but also my full support for your entire labour. I will be "on call" for your birth from 38 weeks, and be at your side from the time you call me in early labour. We will have prepared together, so I will already be able to support your birth choices. I will encourage you as long as you are in labour, and I will support your birthing partner as they support you too.  I will work together with your midwives to make sure you have the information you need to make any decisions that  may arise during your labour, and I will help to make sure that your plans for  after the birth (eg, skin to skin,  or whether or not baby is cleaned before your first cuddle) are carried out as you hope.  I will stay with you until you  have birthed your baby, and you are comfortable and ready for a rest. When you are ready I will visit you after the birth, and am able to support you with feeding or in a post natal role should you require.

Initial Consultation - FREE

2 birth preparation sessions

on call duty for your birth month

Attendance at your birth

2 post natal visits 

 £250

Post natal 
As your post natal doula, I will visit you while you are still pregnant to discuss what type of post natal care you might like. We can discuss hours you would like support, feeding, sleep and practicalities including care of any siblings. After your  baby has been born I will come to your house and support you in the way you have chosen. It might be anything from holding your baby while you have a sleep, feeding support, light housework chores, school runs, or simply debriefing from your birth experience and guiding you through those first precious days with your newborn. You can also contact me by phone, text or email if you need anything.  I would normally provide support for around 6-8 weeks. 

2-4 hours per day,

at least 2 days per week

usually for up to 6-8 weeks

£10 per hour